After standing in line at our campus Subway way too many times, I can confirm that there are too many innocent Italian Herbs and Cheese subs being ruined by a poorly thought out order. Now, I know what you are all thinking: what dimwit has enough time on their hands to comprehensively breakdown the anatomy of a sub to figure out the proper way to construct it? That’d be me.  

The number one rule of making a delicious sandwich is: it always tastes better when someone else makes it. Not really sure about the science behind this, but no one can deny the fact that a massive flavor difference does exist. The people who argue that homemade and store-bought sandwiches taste the same are also the people who think all water tastes identical and that the dress is both black & blue AND gold & white. These people are clearly some advanced model of human-like robots, like the revolutionary Zuckerberg.exe model. I mean, come on; when your wax statue looks more alive than you do, something is undoubtedly wrong.

Alright then, you are now about to start ordering your sandwich. It is hard to go wrong with what you put on a sub. Everyone has their own personal tastes, so this part of the sandwich making process is largely up to you. However, there are four important rules that must be followed if you want your deliciousness factor to be maxed out. Firstly, toast it. Toasting heats up the meat, melts the cheese and crisps the edges of your sandwich. This instantly enhances flavors and adds a satisfying crunch to the sub. Secondly, add your sauces of choice BEFORE adding lettuce or spinach to the situation. If you are putting sauce on a sandwich, odds are you want to taste the sauce. By placing it on top of any lettuce, you are forcing it to the tippy top of the sandwich. This means it will not be in the center of the sandwich where it should be delivering flavor with every bite. Additionally, the sauce will smear all over the top of the sub and wrapper, as well as the sandwich maker’s knife and fingers.  Now you not only have to deal with a flat tire on the road to flavor town, but also the exasperation you caused the worker by making their hands so messy. To avoid this, add the sauce once you have laid down the core elements of the sandwich, like olives, onions, jalapenos, banana peppers and tomatoes. Not only will you get epic flavor with every bite, but you will also receive the coveted drip factor all good sandwiches should have. Only then is it safe to add lettuce and spinach to the equation. Thirdly, don’t be afraid of the seasoning. Salt, pepper and oregano really bring the whole sub to life, intensifying flavor and making you sound sophisticated while ordering. Lastly, make sure you thank each and every one of the employees that helped you out. Making eye contact, flashing a smile and saying a quick thank you lets them know you appreciate them and what they do. 

Well, there you have it. Now you know the fundamentals of sandwich creation. No longer will the employees hate you for getting sauce all over their hands, and no longer will people in line snicker behind your back because you can’t even order a sandwich properly. Now go out and enjoy ordering sandwiches the right way!

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