Love is what everyone seeks in life. Finding it is the hard part. We all have our first love, and some of us are lucky enough that it becomes true love and that person is with us forever. Unfortunately, many times our first love is not really love and the relationship can be deceiving. It is kind of rare finding true love the first time but it’s very common falling for deception. I was one of many that was in “love” and suffered long-term effects.

I supposedly fell in love when I was 14-years-old with someone that was a couple years older than me. I met this guy through Myspace. He was friends with some people I knew, and I don’t remember how, but we started talking. We met in person and a few weeks later he said he loved me. I was very young and naïve and I didn’t have an older sibling or anyone to talk to, so I was learning as things were happening, but I wasn’t learning honestly because I was being lied to from the very first day.

I didn’t know I was being played until things ended badly our third year. Crazy right? I was cheated on for the whole three years. Were there signs? Of course, but I was too young to know. First couple advice that I want to give out, and it goes for men too, is the first evidence you have of the other person cheating, just leave and move on and never look back because you can do better. There are people out there that know what love is and won’t cheat at all. Is it harsh or straight forward? Yes, and I have taken my own advice. That person will cheat again, and if not, why forgive them? Because they deserve the consequences and you deserve someone who won’t do it at all. Cheating is something that cannot be tolerated.

There are traits to look out for when dating or in a relationship that’s not normal and can be very dangerous. Obsessive is one of them. If they have to text or call you every minute, that’s not a good sign. That’s extreme. I remember eating dinner with the family, and I’m sure most of you can’t be on your phones during a family dinner because it’s rude. Well, I didn’t text him for literally 10 minutes because I was eating with my family and I started receiving endless messages and calls. I put my phone on silent and after dinner I checked my phone to respond, and mind you I told him I was eating dinner before I sat down at the table. Well, he was upset and accused me of cheating because I didn’t respond for an hour or so. After explaining again what I was really doing, he still said that I am supposed to text him all the time no matter what. Well, I fell for it and blamed myself and I had to text and call all hours of the day no matter what. I couldn’t have friends or go out without his permission. I had to share my Myspace. He lied about a lot of things and they started off small and gradually the lies became bigger and frequent.  

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He always had to have his way. If you see any of these signs for the first time, leave the person immediately. If someone loves you, they won’t have traits like that. You don’t have to hurt for love and you shouldn’t have to. I learned the hard way unfortunately. If you see any sign of control, obsession, cheating and aggression the first time or at least the second time, I advise you to leave immediately.

Abuse. I went through it too and all types of abuse and all of this is with the same person. Sexual, emotional, verbal and kind of physical. Any one of those, you need to report and leave. I was so blinded by “love” and I think what it really was is the thought of what if I never find love again. What if the first is the only one because maybe no one will ever love me? I feel like that fear and already having love blinding me made me suffer through all of it just to make sure I had some sort of love.

For years I still deal with issues in myself and with my relationship with my current boyfriend because of the previous one. I have worked hard to move on, but I was very young and went through a lot of trauma, and I am now realizing the extent of what I went through. No one should go through any trauma or abuse in a relationship. I wish I had someone around to tell me sooner and I strongly advise for anyone that if you see any signs of what I mentioned to leave because there are so many chances to find actual love that will bring you happiness and growth and comfort. I have been in a relationship with someone different for 6 years and I have never been hurt, physically or emotionally. I have never been forced to do anything or dealt with obsession or been cheated on or any of that matter. I am blessed to have had a second chance at finding someone that knows how to love, and because of him, a lot of my issues have been resolved. It won’t be an easy process when you get that second chance, but just don’t get caught up in that “first love” that you know is not real.

There is real love out there and so many good people looking too; you don’t need to settle for a crazy person. You will find someone else and your chance is coming. Just don’t think of the first love as the only love.  

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