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Satire: The Light Rail that Thinks it Can

| March 21, 2017 | 1 Comment
Satire: The Light Rail that Thinks it Can

A couple of weeks ago, the Niner Times reported that the light-rail connecting Uptown Charlotte to the University campus will be postponed. The opening, scheduled for August of 2017, will now be held, God willing, in March of 2018. However, this mostly went in one ear and out the other. The overwhelming consensus of the […]

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Satire: New Forms of Student Identification

| March 14, 2017 | 3 Comments
Satire: New Forms of Student Identification

University officials have decided (effective immediately) that students will be issued campus-mandated Rubik’s Cubes as a new form of student identification. This ruling, made by a group of administrators behind closed doors — the famed “UNC Charlotte Illuminati” — is in response to the mass confusion taking place campus-wide regarding the appropriate instrument for the […]

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Op-Ed: A Republican’s Olive Branch

| February 21, 2017 | 0 Comments
Op-Ed: A Republican’s Olive Branch

If the Democratic party honestly wants to see the office of the presidency again, including the Congressional and Senatorial seats open in 2018, I would suggest they stop taking everything for granted. Trump won 2,622 counties out of the 3,112 counties for which there was collectible data in the United States; Hillary won 490. Trump […]

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Alternate Take: Bullying… An American Tradition

| February 14, 2017 | 0 Comments
Alternate Take: Bullying… An American Tradition

Isn’t America just the best? I think so. It’s the greatest county on the planet. Hell, it’s the only country on the planet if you ask me. I honestly can’t even name another country that exists, much less a relevant one. I guess when you’re up this high, everybody on the ground just looks like […]

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Op-Ed: One Thing Leads to Another

| February 14, 2017 | 0 Comments
Op-Ed: One Thing Leads to Another

I am not here to gloat, nor do I have time to say “I told ya so”. Nothing positive can be gained by suggesting the tables have turned after eight years of being in your shoes. I only wish to highlight a simple inquiry for my liberal friends to ponder over: how embarrassing must it […]

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Op-Ed: A Conservative’s Report from D.C.

| February 3, 2017 | 1 Comment
Op-Ed: A Conservative’s Report from D.C.

I voted for Donald Trump. I know, I know — I’m the worst — but you can hate me later. I recently visited Washington D.C. to witness the historic inauguration of President Donald Trump. I stayed with one of my friends who attends school in D.C.; the university will remain nameless, but I can assure […]

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Op-Ed: On Apathy and Social Media Politics

| January 15, 2017 | 0 Comments
Op-Ed: On Apathy and Social Media Politics

Don’t you just hate it when you’re scrolling through social media and you don’t see people arguing over politics? That really grinds my gears, man. All I see is doltish clips of dogs behaving whimsically, maybe a cat mixed in every now and then. My timeline is littered with those bland, thoughtless videos of food […]

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Op-Ed: NERF Control

| April 24, 2016 | 0 Comments
Op-Ed: NERF Control

The phenomena occurs at the convenience of Murphy’s Law, always unexpected, but mostly when the daily bustling crowds of studious students subsides and dusk caresses the campus with its gentle curtains. Teams of students, literally armed with Nerf guns and colored flags delineating loyalty, go at it like the armies of old. Hoards, clans, cults […]

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Op-Ed: Where have all the characters gone?

| April 21, 2016 | 0 Comments
Op-Ed: Where have all the characters gone?

“He danced for those at minstrel shows and county fairs, throughout the south,” an act perpetrated by none other than that of Mr. Bojangles himself, rang through my head while listening to Jerry Jeff Walker’s greatest hits (Walker is Texas’ answer to Jimmy Buffett, for the unaware). It then occurred to me that we – […]

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Op-Ed: The first First Husband

| April 18, 2016 | 0 Comments
Op-Ed: The first First Husband

Truly, I am a Republican who wants to see Hillary Clinton in the office of the presidency. No, not because I admire the cruel smugness she wears like a shroud. Nor can it be found in the politics she endorses, which I cannot agree with. It is also not out of a longing to finally see a […]

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Op-Ed: A farewell to arbitrary

| April 10, 2016 | 0 Comments
Op-Ed: A farewell to arbitrary

As students employed under the red-tape of higher learning, we all know the hardships attributed to performing well. Tests, quizzes, homework and projects are all met accordingly in the library, as we strenuously work towards good grades. Deadlines are sought after, but sometimes the perplexities of life prohibit a planned paradigm and cramming wins out. […]

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Op-Ed: Level, Flatten, and Roll

| April 3, 2016 | 1 Comment
Op-Ed: Level, Flatten, and Roll

Man, is UNC Charlotte going places. This notion is an ever constant one, a belief that refuses to depart the minds of students frenziedly caught up in the rat race of achieving and achieving well. A bulwark for science and engineering, along with other blue-chip institutions like business and nursing, Charlotte is filled to the […]

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Op-Ed: What’s it matter?

| March 16, 2016 | 1 Comment
Op-Ed: What’s it matter?

I must admit something that may come as a surprise to the impassioned American: I am not a fan of confrontation, much less when it’s avoidable. I pride myself on being apathetically stoic most of the time and a passive extrovert when absolutely pushed. I find something relaxing, calm in not making a fuss about […]

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Op-Ed: All the King’s men

| March 1, 2016 | 0 Comments
Op-Ed: All the King’s men

I have a terrible habit that I cannot for the life of me seem to drop. It’s an addiction really, a vice that runs deep. The silver lining is that this form of degeneracy is 100% legal and very much a victimless offense. You see, I like to play with toys. Much of my free […]

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