Spoiler warning for OITNB season two. Many feels ahead
We waited months, while Netflix advertised the heck out of the release of the next season of Orange is the New Black (OITNB). Months upon months we waited in suspense, still reeling from the finale of season one.
When the newest installment was finally made available for instant streaming, each episode was jam packed. Each of the 13 episodes left behind a distinct feeling, whether from the character backstory segments or from the real meat of life at Litchfield.
Broken up by episode, here are those feelings for those who binged the season this weekend, but still need more OITNB.
Warning! Spoilers may follow. Read at your own risk.
Episode 1: ‘Thirsty Bird’
Okay now Netflix, what is this nonsense? While each and every guard or correctional officer leaves Piper in the dark, this episode also completely leaves the viewer in suspense. And then once that mystery is cleared up, we just get smacked in the face with another cliffhanger. Where is Piper going, Netflix? What did you do, Alex?
Episode 2: ‘Looks Blue, Tastes Red’
I was cheering for Taystee essentially this entire episode. That whole job fair thing was perfect, and showed just how wonderful and independent she is. This episode is especially important in light of the bomb dropped in the not too distant future. Why does her crazy drug dealing sort of adoptive mother Vee have to be a clearly manipulative witch? Because there wouldn’t be appropriate Taystee drama otherwise. This episode was just really good for some character development among the Litchfield ladies (new club softball team name maybe?).
Episode 3: ‘Hugs Can Be Deceiving’
I feel so bad for poor Crazy Eyes/Suzanne. Her adoptive family obviously had no idea how to deal with her, and it was just heartbreaking. Her backstory perfectly explained her pursuit of Piper in season one, and set the stage for Vee to completely take advantage of that poor girl this season. That begins unraveling this episode, and Crazy Eyes really goes for the woman who on the outside seems loving and mothering toward Crazy Eyes. But we know better, oh we know better. Also, Vee, that hair though. I dig it.
Episode 4: ‘A Whole Other Hole’
Please tell me I am not the only one who did NOT see Morello’s backstory coming. Please tell me I am not the only one shocked and left hurling into a dark, dark place. The hopeless romantic in me felt sad for Morello, yet the firm belief in protecting victims of stalking left me weirdly against Morello. Best backstory yet, in my opinion. It was exactly what her character needed. The reoccurring gag this episode about where women pee from was also hilarious and had me in stitches. You rock that lesson, Sophia.
Episode 5: ‘Low Self Esteem City’
Let’s just talk about what is going on with the plumbing for a second, can we? That alone was enough to make me want to ralph while watching this episode. The perfectly portrayed abusive relationship with Gloria was just that, perfect, and left me with a tightly knotted feeling of disgust deep in my stomach.
Episode 6: ‘You Also Have A Pizza’
So much in this episode made me literally audibly say ‘awww,’ and I’m not too proud to admit that I cried. Poussey’s backstory is rivaling Morello’s in terms of complexity and perfection. And as corny as all of it was, the Valentine’s Day stuff was adorable. I loved hearing the different definitions of love from the inmates, even though I’m not really sure why that was necessary. Bennett’s was hilarious, and Maritza was spot on with her definition. Pizza is all you need.
Episode 7: ‘Comic Sans’
Yes, I know it isn’t an emotion, but GOOD GOSH. Larry, Polly…what the heck. Seriously? Seriously right now? Because that isn’t going to totally blow up in their face or anything. And what about Pete? I know he’s in Alaska, but come on people. I hope she ends up pregnant. I know she just had a kid and she seems miserable with that one, but she deserves another.
Episode 8: ‘Appropriately Sized Pots’
This episode was kind of boring for me. I’m glad they brought back the furlough conversation from season one, but I don’t like the way this has tied up. I miss Fisher, she was the most relatable of the officers. They should have gotten rid of someone else…like O’Neil. Can’t stand him. As for the backstory this episode, it seemed very unreal to me, but I’m glad they gave Rosa a backstory. She won’t survive the season. They’re playing this cancer storyline a lot more this season than they did last.
Episode 9: ’40 OZ of Furlough’
Can we not with this segment of the season? We hit such a high a few episodes ago with Morello, Gloria and Poussey. Why, why, why am I watching Cal get married at a funeral? I did like at the end of the episode Piper grabbed a 40 instead of the champagne – it showed she’s changing, and I think we can all agree that’s for the best. Pornstache coming back is definitely going to come back and bite somebody (cough, Fig, cough) in the butt.
Episode 10: ‘Little Mustachioed Sh*t’
I understand that the point of this episode is the seriously lame Alex and Piper drama, but it was completely overshadowed by the heartbreaking Christopher and Morello interaction. Why would they even let him come in to visit her? It was definitely implied that she was possibly in there for stalking him, so why on earth would he be allowed on her visitation list? Thank goodness for Nicky.
Episode 11: ‘Take a Break from Your Values’
My emotion is both a shout out to Poussey at the Safe Place meeting, and is also just how I felt. I’m done with this Vee storyline. Yes, she has Crazy Eyes wrapped around her finger, but soon that will be all she has. Other people I’m done with include Fig. I’m done with her sass, I’m done with her gay husband storyline, I’m done. The highlight of the episode was the elderly woman stabbing the wrong lady in an attempt to get Vee. I laughed, just because of the facial expressions during the whole scene.
Episode 12: ‘It Was the Change’
I laughed a lot this episode, and it wasn’t because the usual banter was particularly funny. I feel like a lot of what happened in this episode was just so ridiculous and expected it had to be laughed at. Of course the inmates had to pee in a bucket. Of course Fig did not care that the prison was flooding. Of course Taystee and Poussey make up. Of course Piper gets caught coming out of Fig’s office. Of course Vee shaking on the truce meant nothing. Unimpressive, Netflix. Unimpressive.
Episode 13: ‘We Have Manners. We’re Polite”
Feels: SCATTER THE NUNS!
I understand that isn’t necessarily a feeling, but I think it sums up the episode pretty nicely. I’m mad at Caputo for not really caring about Bennett, I cried happy tears for Rosa’s escape (SCATTER THE NUNS!) and then cheered when she hit Vee…Seems like they tied things up pretty nicely, just in case there isn’t a third season, but I want one. The whole season was very back and forth for me, some episodes I loved and others were just really bland. Let’s be real though, there was enough perfectly seasoned meat to this episode to make us all want a season three.